7 Yeastie Beasties

Heads up today I'm talkin 'bout YEASTIE BEASTIES. Before you guys cry out TMI, guys can catch these suckers too from not wrapping before a random lay, and if you don't want to spend 15$ on some GlaxoSmithKline chemical suppressant, keep reading. That money could go to beer!

There was one summer in my life that I look back on with a nauseating nostalgia. Alexa and I lived in a slumlord run apartment behind an odorous municipal waste treatment plant (read: shit), in the third floor attic of a house with no AC or working shower/plumbing, out in the boonies so we had to bike everywhere in the summer heat.

So I got quite acquainted with these yeastie beasties cause of the heat, lack of shower, and sweaty cycling. Do I go to the doctor and rely on GlaxoSmithKline to give me some medicine filled with bits of dead animals and carcinogens? Do I haaaaave to spend my hard earned and sparse cash money at Walgreens? Fuck no!

There's a bunch of herbal cures you can follow, and it's quite sad how women and men alike have distanced themselves from herbal medicine. A knowledge of herbal remedies used to be something women valued and prided themselves on.

Solution 1- Garlic. Take a clove of garlic and put it up there. You can tie floss around it for easy removal. Keep it there for about 24 hours, then replace. This should only take a couple days. You will begin to smell like garlic though.

And if you are feeling particularly malevolent, you can stick it in your asshole rent-skiving room mates pasta sauce afterward and not tell him.

Solution 2- Yogurt works for ones that have progressed kind of far. REAL yogurt, like Greek yogurt or home made yogurt that has about 2 ingredients listed, no flavoring, and no sugar. You can fill a tampon applicator with yogurt, otherwise I don't know how you would do this without making a bigger mess. To soothe the burn just fill the fingers in a latex glove with yogurt, freeze it, then pop the frozen yogurt fingerlings up there. Try eating more yogurt too.

Yogurt=acidopholus and acidopholus=GOOD.

Solution 3- Not really a solution, but more of a cure. DRINK LOTS OF WATER and say good bye to refined white sugar.

6. HELP FIGHT PROPOSITION 8

I got laid off, which is the worst kind of lay one can get. So, if you can, donate money to help Alexa and myselfs cross country road warrior voyage. When we get to California we are going to go to support an illegal gay wedding. We want to show that proposition 8 may have won the battle, but they lost the war!!!

5 Toofpaste

I've started doing yard work every weekend/school break for cash money. That's right, all 5 2" of me was ripping up trees killed from the epic ice storm with tractors and cutting firewood with chainsaws. I think the realization that I need to start doing work came about when I realized that I can't afford tooth paste anymore, so how could I possible afford me and Alexas cross country trip? The theme is America the Free, but let's get real, it can't all be free. I ended up having to make my own toof paste, how punx right? Actually, come to think of it dental hygiene isn't very punx.

DZ and I just used straight baking soda, but it tastes pretty gross so here's the recipe:
3 parts baking soda
1 part water
1 part whatever yummy extract you like. But this stuff is expensive, so you can always do what I do and just rinse with tea to get the taste out.

Put it in a jar or container, mix it together, and just dab some on your tooth brush.

Gargling with 1/2 hydrogen peroxide and water will also whiten your teeth.

Also, be sure to come to this and do my modern dance workshop:

4 New Kylesa

The new Kylesa record is kind of a let down. The whole record pretty much sounds like the transitional songs (think "Intermission") that you normally find between those totally epic and crushing songs like "Bottom Line". There's also a lack of Laura singing, weak. It's okay to listen to when I'm sitting around, but as a live experience? No. I feel as though I saw them live and they played songs off this record I wouldn't know what to do. Stand there? Nod? Certainly not this:

If this was the first Kylesa record I heard, I think I would have dsmissed the band as mediocre sludge. It seems as though this record was put out just to have a new record on their tour with *MaStADoN* since Kylesa is becoming king shit in metal. All in all, I'd give this record a C.