7 Yeastie Beasties

Heads up today I'm talkin 'bout YEASTIE BEASTIES. Before you guys cry out TMI, guys can catch these suckers too from not wrapping before a random lay, and if you don't want to spend 15$ on some GlaxoSmithKline chemical suppressant, keep reading. That money could go to beer!

There was one summer in my life that I look back on with a nauseating nostalgia. Alexa and I lived in a slumlord run apartment behind an odorous municipal waste treatment plant (read: shit), in the third floor attic of a house with no AC or working shower/plumbing, out in the boonies so we had to bike everywhere in the summer heat.

So I got quite acquainted with these yeastie beasties cause of the heat, lack of shower, and sweaty cycling. Do I go to the doctor and rely on GlaxoSmithKline to give me some medicine filled with bits of dead animals and carcinogens? Do I haaaaave to spend my hard earned and sparse cash money at Walgreens? Fuck no!

There's a bunch of herbal cures you can follow, and it's quite sad how women and men alike have distanced themselves from herbal medicine. A knowledge of herbal remedies used to be something women valued and prided themselves on.

Solution 1- Garlic. Take a clove of garlic and put it up there. You can tie floss around it for easy removal. Keep it there for about 24 hours, then replace. This should only take a couple days. You will begin to smell like garlic though.

And if you are feeling particularly malevolent, you can stick it in your asshole rent-skiving room mates pasta sauce afterward and not tell him.

Solution 2- Yogurt works for ones that have progressed kind of far. REAL yogurt, like Greek yogurt or home made yogurt that has about 2 ingredients listed, no flavoring, and no sugar. You can fill a tampon applicator with yogurt, otherwise I don't know how you would do this without making a bigger mess. To soothe the burn just fill the fingers in a latex glove with yogurt, freeze it, then pop the frozen yogurt fingerlings up there. Try eating more yogurt too.

Yogurt=acidopholus and acidopholus=GOOD.

Solution 3- Not really a solution, but more of a cure. DRINK LOTS OF WATER and say good bye to refined white sugar.